bouncing back.

It's funny.

The things you learn while trying to impart wisdom on a child.

Sometimes, if you're paying attention,
it's you that needed to hear what you said.

It's softball season and this year that means I have THREE girls getting dirty on the field every week.  It means farmer tans, bruised legs from sliding and lots of fun.  It also means our competitive side is out in full force.  And that?

That's all from me.

My mini-me is solid at first base on her high school team and a captain this year.  She excels at everything she does, it's kind of amazing.  But here's the thing...when she strikes out or her solid hit deep into center field is caught...it stays with her.  (and that's also all from me)  You can see it on her face as she heads back in to the dug out, it's crystal clear as she's working her way through the next inning.  If it's bad, you can still see it when she's home, showered and getting through her homework.

I've played and coached long enough to know that you really can't tell a hard core player that it's just a game, get over it, it was a solid hit met by a great defensive play.  So I went a different route.  She needs to work on her bounce back.  To be the best player she can be, she needs to bounce back quicker.

I'm starting to see a direct correlation from one's level of happiness to their ability to bounce back.  Strike outs happen.  Life kicks you in the shins.  People disappoint and hurt you.  How quickly you're willing to let it go, put it away and move forward, how quickly you can bounce back, determines how happy you really are.

As I look at my own hang ups, the situations in life that have been tough to bounce back from or at people around me who hold on to a grudge or insist on staying hurt...it's amazing, really.  The things we hold on to can really keep us down.

Perhaps it's time we all work on our bounce back.

It's funny, isn't it?

The things we learn while trying to impart wisdom on our children.

-McGee

peace-out 2010.

1 year
12 months
52 weeks (or is it 53?)
8,760 hours
FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED MINUTES
(Insert RENT theme song here)

Looking back I cannot believe a year has passed since THIS POST. Last year I decided I was through with New Year’s Resolution lists, also known as the list that leads to failure or how I make myself feel bad by March 1st every year. I wanted to live 2010 more openly and more creatively.

I WON!
I DID IT!
For the first time in my 34 years I actually succeeded.

And man it feels good!

2010 held a hell of a lot of CHALLENGES, buckets of CHANGE (not the jangling kind-the painful kind) and many, many BLESSINGS. I had people affect my life that I would care to never see again and made friends whom I hope will be in my life for as long as they can lovingly tolerate me! I have been open to other people and the way they do things (even Mr. Man a time or two, I’m still working on that one.  He has been right more, lately...thinking that's more about me than him...hmmm). I have written more, opened myself up more and been less perfect out in the open.

Result?

A blissfully open and creative life.
(For the most part-I mean, really-who’s perfect?)

It’s been amazing and freeing. I did lose some of those pounds I wanted to get rid of. I did change some habits I had been meaning to change and I made more money than the year before but the list was never the focus.

So as I sit down to write out my new focus for 2011 I raise a glass to 2010 and am secretly glad it’s over!  It’s time to refresh and renew and move on!

Check me out Wednesday for the new plan!
(GASP-I didn’t mean PLAN plan, we all know what happens when McGee makes a plan...God's laughed enough lately!)

-McGee

letting go.

So I’m working on this project.
Project Me.

I’ve tried working on Project Everyone Else.
It didn’t really work.

See-I had a moment where I was bitterly complaining about the universe to Mr. Man-our rental house is being sold, my car needs replacing within 2 months and everything else was in chaos (at least that’s what the committee meeting in my head was telling me-more about that in another post to come). I told him I felt like a bad country western song. Ever the funny guy, Mr. Man suggested then that I play the song backwards.

Haha.

I responded, ever so forcefully with…
“NO. Maybe y’all need to play the song backwards-it’s not ME!”
(Yeah. I did actually say y’all. Had to totally commit to the theme.)

And back to therapy I go.

Because the only thing I control is me which makes the only person worth micromanaging and working on is…you guessed it…ME.

And here’s where Project Me is taking me. Maybe you can relate? I am in the process of learning to let go of the outcome. I realized I was not making decisions because I was so focused on the final life changing uber important outcome that I could never decide on even the most basic parts of the process. My anxiety about a particular decision was killing any sort of progress and literally freezing me in place.

My therapist had me make three lists:
1. If option A happened, how would I proceed to make decisions?
2. If option B happened, how would I proceed to make decisions?
3. If I let go of the outcome, how would I proceed to make decisions?

Understand that I am a serious planner. I make lists and I make plans. I don’t do well letting go or letting the universe take it’s course. I used to think I controlled the universe. I’m working on that too. So after I made the first two lists my therapist had me take off my glasses, put my two feet on the ground, breathe deeply and then write whatever came to mind for the third list.

The one list that seemed the most daunting, the most impossible to embrace, the most out of reach also felt the best. I was able to write out what I would do and how that would look and it looked good. And felt good! And I could breath.

So I let go.
Or am trying to.

I’m doing all I can and letting God and the universe take me where I’m supposed to go. It hasn’t been easy and I haven’t been great at it for more than an hour or two at a time but I do know it feels better when I do it. As a result I’ve had the best weekend with our family I’ve had in months and the best conversations with Mr. Man that don’t include the term “y’all” or any reference to country western music-much to his relief! I’m enjoying the process and letting good things in that I wouldn’t see if I were just focused on the final outcome.

I’m sure you’ll hear more about Project Me.
It’s going to be quite a ride!

-McGee

control. or lack thereof.

Recipe for disaster:

1 control freak.
1 best friend in medical crisis.
1 fiance in custody fight court chaos.
Just a pinch of a good meeting in a work day.

Mix together all in one 12 hour space of time.
Stand back and watch the chemical reaction.

The universe did not pull through for me today.
Or maybe it did.
Maybe there’s a lesson here that I haven’t put together yet.
I’m sure there is.

I woke up excited for the prospects of the day. My dearest friend (who lives far away) was in labor about to have her first baby. Mr. Man was about to finish the long haul of his custody fight in court. I had a planned a busy work day to keep my mind off both and get some of my work mojo back!

Short version:
Labor was particularly difficult, scary and laborious.
Court was short and unproductive.
Work was a joke.

And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about any of them.

So I tried to reboot.
I tried to look for good news.
I took a deep breath. Or ten.
I dropped some tears.

And then I remembered that sometimes I have to just do what I can do and then trust that God, the universe, or my higher power-whatever that may be-will take care of what needs to happen and provide a way for me to deal with whatever comes next.

And in the end mom and baby are alive and well.
Legalities are technicalities that will be worked out soon.
Work starts fresh for a new month starting now.

I know hate is a strong word and I shouldn’t use it all the time. But
I hate that feeling of helpless when a loved one is compromised.
I hate feeling out of control.

However…

I love the feeling of good friends circling around.
I love coming home to what’s inside our four walls.
I love that today is just a day.

And I love that I know if I do what I can and trust the universe to take care of the rest, it usually does and life is what it’s supposed to be.

Sadly…I think the universe was just reminding me that I have to keep letting go. I can’t do everything. I’m not supposed to!

The only thing I can control is my reaction to the world around me.

So I ate some strawberry shortcake on purpose.

I choose to snuggle up with my man and watch Survivor.
(GO RUSSELL!)

And I’m choosing to go to bed and wake up ready to go again!

-McGee