We need us. All of us.

Patriotic holidays are a funny thing.
It's one of a few times a year where we remember.
Where we publicly state our gratitude.
The moments we thank those who did what we don't.

And there's nothing wrong with that.
We celebrate patriotism with more holidays than motherhood.
But I am increasingly aware that perhaps its a daily thing.

I had this experience once, and I don't tell you this to celebrate how great I was-I heard someone else do the same so I effectively ripped this idea off-feel free to rip it off from me now.  I was in Wendy's one day-it was a March, I bought Girl Scout cookies outside of the grocery store that day.  I don't know why I recall that other than to say it was not Veterans Day, Memorial Day of the Fourth of July.  (And don't ask me why I know what month Girl Scout cookies are for sale.  Some things are sacred.)

I collected my order and noticed an elderly man and his wife sitting at the table by the door.  He was wearing a coat with some sort of patches on it and a hat that clearly identified his as a World War II Veteran.  I paused, thinking twice, second guessing, hoping I wasn't being inappropriate.  He was taking his very sweet time with every bite and it was clear he was not in the same shape he once had been.  I approached the table gently and asked him if I may interrupt enough to thank him for his service.  He seemed surprised and his wife smiled with the slightest of tear in her eyes.  I left them to their lunch and went about my day.  It cost me nothing but felt more valuable than most things I did that week.

Here's the thing.
I need people in the world like this.
We need people who will run towards the thing-
The thing most of us run away from.
I like to think he needed me to thank him as well.

It's debatable whether or not I personally, in my life, needed this specific man to take his place in World War II to secure my very existence in this world.  But I can say without a doubt that I need the men and women who stand guard where I won't, who volunteered where I wouldn't, who do the things many of us are afraid of.  I sleep better at night and our children live in a safer, more free world than we would if it weren't for those people.  My dad was in the Air Force-he never saw foreign land but he was a computer engineer doing what he could to support those who were in the line of fire.  I have many friends and loved ones who have fought on the ground, worked behind the scenes or simply supported their husbands, wives or children as they stood in the line of fire.  For all of you, I am eternally grateful and I need you in this world.

I also like to think that man in Wendy's needed me.
We all need to be seen, loved, respected.
It's human nature.
I needed to feel gratitude...
He needed me to share mine with him.
Perhaps his wife needed to hear it as well.

The point is this...we all need something from the people around us.  We are not here on this Earth to have solitary lives.  We come into this world in families, we live in societies, in groups, in cultures.  We cannot self sustain without other people in the world.  I need my grocery store clerk, my cousin the farmer, my uncle the police man, my friend the mom, the teacher, the clerk at the post office.  And it's perhaps time we remember how much we're grateful for those around us.

We NEED us.
We cannot live healthy full lives without US.
We all contribute to the global us.

So thank someone today.
If you can find a Veteran, thank them.
Find someone in your day you are grateful for...
And tell them.

Many military personnel have walked by me without me taking a moment to thank them and each time it happens-whether I'm out of breath, have my hands full or just feel timid...I always wish I had spoken up.    

Speak up.
We need them.
And they need us.

-McGee

Cutural Mormon

Hi.
I'm McGee.
And I'm a  Mormon...sort of.

Now before BOTH sides of the argument get their panties in a bunch let me set a few things straight...

I was born and raised in the LDS church.
I believe in God and Jesus Christ.
I believe in family and forgiveness.
I chose to stop participating in the church when I was 30.
I believe in marriage.  For every consenting adult.
I believe in free agency.
I believe women and men are both inherently equal in God's eyes.
I don't believe there is one true way to live righteously.

Ok.  Have we covered the basics?

The thing is...I have spent more time in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (what most people call the Mormon church) than I have spent out of it and while there are a few, rather substantial pieces of doctrine that do not align with my own personal belief system, I am in the fray.  I did not leave angry.  I am not "anti".  I don't advocate anyone leave, or for that matter, anyone join.  There are MANY more Mormon's that I love and respect, than not.  In many ways they are, for the most part, good, loving, hard working and peace seeking people who just believe something different than I do.

I don't care to argue the doctrine I don't believe in with active members of the church.  I know it won't change minds and I respect their right to believe as they do.  I share my opinion when it's asked for or when circumstances call for it and I certainly vote with my conscience, my heart and my mind.

I don't campaign against "the church", I don't carry an angry torch.  I don't look for opportunities to poke at it, demean it or those who belong to it.  When others associate polygamy to the current LDS church I correct them.  When fallacies are spoken I speak up and defend the truth I know.

But here's the thing...

I make a mean jello with nuts, whipped cream and fruit.
When someone dies or gives birth I feel a need to make a casserole for the family.  Also, I absolutely LOVE casserole.
I have a strong desire to take care of those who need help.
I want to learn how to can fruit-it's a skill I'm guilty I don't have.
I love homemade bread and scones.

I know how to cook for a huge amount of people.
I can throw a pot luck together in ten seconds flat.
I love Primary Songs and sing them in my head subconsciously.
LDS Hymns are as familiar to me as the Happy Birthday Song.
My family is my first and most important stewardship.
I can craft with the best of them.

I came from a big family and I'm a mom to six kids.

I write in what my sisters call "Mormon writing".
I appreciate modesty.
I like a good org chart and love to lead.
I have always loved to speak publicly and teach.
I have a relationship with all of my first cousins and many of my mother's cousins children-I also know their kids' names.
I have wicked good family reunions!

You know...I have known a fair amount of Jewish people but many of them do not practice the Jewish religion in it's orthodoxy.  And that's socially acceptable.  We separate the culture and the religion on some level as a society.  When one says they are Mormon-it's not a question of culture or religion-it's all or nothing. You either are or you aren't and both those inside the church and outsiders react with the same assumption.  The LDS church is still in it's infancy in the grand scheme of religion, so it causes me to wonder if perhaps there will be a day that it's socially acceptable to claim my heritage, of which I am proud of, as Mormon, without the automatic assumption I subscribe to the LDS doctrine.  It is where I came from, where my mother and her mother and HER mother came from.  It played a large part in making me who I am today and I have fond feelings for much of it.  I am grateful for where I came from, for the lessons I learned, for the heritage I have and the people who feel the same.

But at this point, it's one and the same to most of the world.
I either am or I'm not.  At least to you.

To me?  I'm culturally Mormon.  I claim my heritage and love it.  I embrace it, I hand it down to my children and I long for the day when there's a place I fit in the rest of the world's eyes.

Untli then...I'm making casserole, baking bread, creating care packages and singing hymns in my head.  I'm not going back to the LDS church and I don't subscribe to the doctrine as a whole.  However...I believe in being honest, true to myself, benevolent and virtuous and in doing good to all men.  If there is anything lovely, virtuous, or of good report, I will always seek after these things.

Can't help it.
It's who I am.
It's in my blood.
And I like that.

-McGee

1,094 days ago

1,094 days ago I was getting ready for bed about now.
Nervous and excited.
With plans set and things to do.

I had a hair appointment set for the morning
A new outfit picked out.
A ring in my pocket that was too big for my finger
But would fit his perfectly.
I had my Grandma's ring on my right hand
And a naked left hand for him.

The day was just right.
It was ours and ours alone.
We said our "I do's" just as we wanted.
The weekend following was better than any other,
An ocean get away to rival all others.

We had an amazing party with friends and family.
We celebrated all night long and felt loved and supported.
As did our kiddos as we officially became our B-squared family.
It was a party to be remembered!

It was a hell of a journey to get to that night, 1,094 days ago.
Three years later the journey has gotten better and better.

I never understood what people meant when they said they married their best friend, until I did.  Mr. Man is my go to, my best friend, my favorite adult to spend time with and the love of my life. I get it now.  We're not perfect, there are always good days and not so good days but there is no one I would rather go through life getting older and collecting wisdom with than Mr. Man.

You, my dear, are the best.
You've made our kids better human beings.
You make life more enjoyable.
And you make me a better mom, wife and person.

Everything I want is in your eyes.

I wanna be there when you're happy.
I wanna love you when you're sad.

Happy anniversary baby!
-McGee

mom's night before school checklist

It's that time of year again.
Happens every year without fail.
Goes a little something like this...

9 year old boy head buzzed fresh?  Check.
Girls haircuts?  Check.
First day of school outfits laid out?  Check.
Lunch fixings ready to go?  Check.
Posters for the first day of school pictures?  Check.

Think about how much math our 4th grader didn't do this summer?  Got it.

Overthink the complicated dynamic at our 1st graders school with her biological mother who teaches 1st grade at the same school?  Been doing that all week.

Ponder just how much we've prepared our 10th grader for a challenging academic year?  Check.

PANIC the HELL out because tomorrow begins the last year our 12th grader will be under our roof? Double check.

And seriously.  The top of the chain is a Senior at Texas A&M this year?  Cannot be.  How did we get here??

Why is it that every year, the night before school starts, well after our kiddo's have passed out, I'm still up pondering just how prepared they each are and tenderly recalling exactly where they all are in the cycle of life?  Wasn't it enough that I had a hard time sleeping while I was the KID on the night before school started? Really?  As an adult, I think it's much worse!

I know, when I'm calm and reasonable, that our kids are well rounded, they're prepared and will excel all year long, blah, blah, blah.

But late at night....I worry.

It's much harder being a mom than I thought it would be.  My heart really does walk around all day outside of my body and it's crazy uncomfortable some days!  The hours spent building your kids up only to spend the rest of the hours worrying that it's not enough are tough.

But the thing is...the payoff is great.

I am so proud of all six of our kids.  I couldn't ask for more.
And I love being their mom.

Even on the night before school starts.

-McGee

Dude.

Mean people suck.

Isn't there a bumper sticker to that effect?

Because I could totally use that about now.

It's surprising, really.  In my 17 years of being a mom, I've not really had to cross this bridge yet.  Not like this.  What do I tell my kid when a complete moron, a teammate, treats her horribly and calls her names in front of her team?  The team my kids a captain of, a significant player, a veteran. 

When my kid asks if it would have been ok to punch the other kid, do I tell her if I was there I would have beat her to it?  Do I tell her to turn the other cheek?  That the other kid has a horrible life and has no one to teach her differently?  Will that make either of us feel less hurt?  More valiant for walking away?

What about when the other kids parent is sitting there ok with the insults?  Agreeing with his own kid.  Egging her on.  Do I just tell her it doesn't matter?  That they are just broken people?

Mean people suck.

So I tell her no.
It's not ok to hit the girl.
It's ok to be hurt, to be mad, to feel embarrassed and infuriated.

It's ok to shut the other kid down with words but just enough to be able to walk away clean.

I tell her to be grateful.
To see the holes in that kids life.
And realize you don't have those holes.
To choose to let it go.

Don't excuse the behavior but don't attend the fight just because you're invited to do so.

And then I tell her I know.
I know mean people.
They don't always grow up.

Sometimes they exist well beyond high school.

And it hurts.
But we move on.
And we live our lives because it doesn't matter.
They do not matter.

Ugly people who can't move on or choose not to are just that.
Ugly people.

And then I tell her not to be one.
To remember this feeling.
And to never.
Ever.
Pass it on to someone else.

And while she sleeps, moving on and dreaming of the next day...
I drop a few tears and write a blog.

Because what else does a mom do?

Ugh.

-McGee

Gratitude Day

Occasionally.

A gratitude day is in order.

Not always for any particular reason, sometimes it's just a reminder.

So today I'm grateful for...

• Eleven little girls who trust me when I tell them where to go on a softball field, when to swing and how to have the most fun in the dirt.  As well as their eleven sets of parents who trust these girls to me twice a week!
• Laughter at the dinner table.  Serious laughter.  The ugly kind, when our nearly 17 and nearly 15 year old daughters are laughing with me (*not AT me) so hard that the three of us are in various states of crazy goofy faces while trying not to spit water out of our noses.
• Mr. Man who still makes me laugh.  Intentionally or not.  Nearly every day.
• Good books.  If you know a girl, work with a girl, are a girl or have a girl...read "Lean In" by Sheryl Sanderg.  Now.  Like for real.
• My extended family.  I can't pick you, you didn't pick me, but we're in it for the long haul and for that, I am eternally grateful!
• My immediate family of six amazing kiddos and my dear, sweet, hillarious hubby.  They are the reason I wake up (mind you-SUPER early for this non-morning person) and the people that keep me moving all day long.  I am one lucky mommy.
• Friends that will let me whine, call me out and put up with my nonsense.
• A great house.
• A dog who loves me, even when I'm not as sure that I love her.
• Enough money to pay the bills, enough love to keep going and enough faith that life will always work itself out, jerks will always have to live with themselves, and that I can be as happy as I choose to be.

Tonight, life is good.

If you're not feeling the same, make a list, a gratitude list.  

It will turn that frown upside down.

Promise.

-McGee

living the dream.

Welcome to Hollywood.

What's your dream?

Everybody's got a dream.

What's YOUR dream?

A question I've often thought of, tried to work through, and still occasionally haunts me.  Big Man has a dream and he's working towards it.  He's a writer/director on track to film his second full length feature film later this year.  My mom had a dream.  She created a company, took it public and shines still in the business world.  I struggle sometimes without a clearly defined dream or dream job.  I want to write a book.  I want people to read what I write and know who I am.  I would love to be a public speaker.  I want to live in a beautiful home, drive a nice car and live the dream.  But I don't have one solo mission that burns into everything I do.

And then I remembered last night.

I did have a dream.

And I'm already living it.

The truth is, the one thing I ALWAYS wanted, more than anything, more than a career, more than success and money...was to be a mom and a really good one.  I wanted a family and a really big one.  And sometimes I guess I just forget that the mom dream is just as noteworthy as commercial, worldly success or perhaps even more so.  There's surely a time and place for everything.  And being a mom has not gotten in the way of the things I have wanted to do or develop although it may have delayed a few goals.  But when I look around at our babies and the family we have built that continues to grow and flourish I realize I AM living MY dream.  I have given birth to four amazing babies and have been blessed to be the bonus mom to two other incredible children.  And while it's often hard work, I'm a pretty good mom, most days and surely I have created the big family I wanted!

My dream?

I'm living the big one. 

And man, life is good!

-McGee

bouncing back.

It's funny.

The things you learn while trying to impart wisdom on a child.

Sometimes, if you're paying attention,
it's you that needed to hear what you said.

It's softball season and this year that means I have THREE girls getting dirty on the field every week.  It means farmer tans, bruised legs from sliding and lots of fun.  It also means our competitive side is out in full force.  And that?

That's all from me.

My mini-me is solid at first base on her high school team and a captain this year.  She excels at everything she does, it's kind of amazing.  But here's the thing...when she strikes out or her solid hit deep into center field is caught...it stays with her.  (and that's also all from me)  You can see it on her face as she heads back in to the dug out, it's crystal clear as she's working her way through the next inning.  If it's bad, you can still see it when she's home, showered and getting through her homework.

I've played and coached long enough to know that you really can't tell a hard core player that it's just a game, get over it, it was a solid hit met by a great defensive play.  So I went a different route.  She needs to work on her bounce back.  To be the best player she can be, she needs to bounce back quicker.

I'm starting to see a direct correlation from one's level of happiness to their ability to bounce back.  Strike outs happen.  Life kicks you in the shins.  People disappoint and hurt you.  How quickly you're willing to let it go, put it away and move forward, how quickly you can bounce back, determines how happy you really are.

As I look at my own hang ups, the situations in life that have been tough to bounce back from or at people around me who hold on to a grudge or insist on staying hurt...it's amazing, really.  The things we hold on to can really keep us down.

Perhaps it's time we all work on our bounce back.

It's funny, isn't it?

The things we learn while trying to impart wisdom on our children.

-McGee

Words to live by.

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