living the dream.

Welcome to Hollywood.

What's your dream?

Everybody's got a dream.

What's YOUR dream?

A question I've often thought of, tried to work through, and still occasionally haunts me.  Big Man has a dream and he's working towards it.  He's a writer/director on track to film his second full length feature film later this year.  My mom had a dream.  She created a company, took it public and shines still in the business world.  I struggle sometimes without a clearly defined dream or dream job.  I want to write a book.  I want people to read what I write and know who I am.  I would love to be a public speaker.  I want to live in a beautiful home, drive a nice car and live the dream.  But I don't have one solo mission that burns into everything I do.

And then I remembered last night.

I did have a dream.

And I'm already living it.

The truth is, the one thing I ALWAYS wanted, more than anything, more than a career, more than success and money...was to be a mom and a really good one.  I wanted a family and a really big one.  And sometimes I guess I just forget that the mom dream is just as noteworthy as commercial, worldly success or perhaps even more so.  There's surely a time and place for everything.  And being a mom has not gotten in the way of the things I have wanted to do or develop although it may have delayed a few goals.  But when I look around at our babies and the family we have built that continues to grow and flourish I realize I AM living MY dream.  I have given birth to four amazing babies and have been blessed to be the bonus mom to two other incredible children.  And while it's often hard work, I'm a pretty good mom, most days and surely I have created the big family I wanted!

My dream?

I'm living the big one. 

And man, life is good!

-McGee

having it all.

It’s funny.

Being the daughter of a baby boomer.
And old enough to remember the first Wonder Woman,
I was told, for as long as I can remember…
That I can have it all.

I fought that, struggled with it, embraced it…
And now reject it.
I no longer think I can have it all.

Before you get all “She’s Debby Downer” on me, follow me…

My generation of women watched our mom’s come out of the June Cleaver era, burn their bras and take on the Man’s World like their mothers couldn’t. They had the burden of paving the way for us to do whatever we wanted. They are an amazing generation of women!

By the time I was a mom, I respected them but also respectfully declined the “be all you can be” way of life and preferred to aspire to being “just a mom”. And then life happens, as it usually does. I found myself at an unfamiliar place, desperately wanting it all.

I went through college with two kids, graduated, started a business, bought a house, had a cool car, lost the house trying to save the business, downsized the car, lost the business and divorced. And throw in another baby somewhere over that space of time.

Fast forward to now.
Great job with ZocDoc.com where I’m working hard for my money.
(queue Donna Summers)
I am married to my favorite adult. Ever.
Kids are happy, healthy and productive.

But I don’t own a house, my house isn’t always perfect, my job keeps me too busy some days, the kids don’t have Suzie Homemaker 24/7 for a mom, I’m sometimes grumpy, I have a cool car but not my dream car, and occasionally (ok, often) you can find me lounging in sweats with my hair pulled back and not looking so hot and I live in LA but I have yet to attend a red carpet event.

But I’m happy.

It’s a balancing act.
It’s ok that I don’t have it all.
I could-I think-if I wanted to sacrifice all things important to me.

If I wanted to totally relinquish the raising of my kids to someone else I could probably have made more money last year. If I wanted to spend less time with my favorite adult I could work a little longer. If I wanted to drive a better car I could max out my credit limit and live outside my means.

Instead I choose to do my job as well as I can and enjoy what I’m doing.  And then I choose to hurry home for softball games and family dinners.

I want it all, I do.
But I’m ok that I don’t have it all.

Because what I do have is worth more.

I have a man I adore, kids who are amazing, family that will always have my back, friends who love and support us all, laughter and fun...when I let myself.

Hmmm…

Perhaps it’s time to reevaluate what having it all really means.

-McGee