Cutural Mormon

Hi.
I'm McGee.
And I'm a  Mormon...sort of.

Now before BOTH sides of the argument get their panties in a bunch let me set a few things straight...

I was born and raised in the LDS church.
I believe in God and Jesus Christ.
I believe in family and forgiveness.
I chose to stop participating in the church when I was 30.
I believe in marriage.  For every consenting adult.
I believe in free agency.
I believe women and men are both inherently equal in God's eyes.
I don't believe there is one true way to live righteously.

Ok.  Have we covered the basics?

The thing is...I have spent more time in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (what most people call the Mormon church) than I have spent out of it and while there are a few, rather substantial pieces of doctrine that do not align with my own personal belief system, I am in the fray.  I did not leave angry.  I am not "anti".  I don't advocate anyone leave, or for that matter, anyone join.  There are MANY more Mormon's that I love and respect, than not.  In many ways they are, for the most part, good, loving, hard working and peace seeking people who just believe something different than I do.

I don't care to argue the doctrine I don't believe in with active members of the church.  I know it won't change minds and I respect their right to believe as they do.  I share my opinion when it's asked for or when circumstances call for it and I certainly vote with my conscience, my heart and my mind.

I don't campaign against "the church", I don't carry an angry torch.  I don't look for opportunities to poke at it, demean it or those who belong to it.  When others associate polygamy to the current LDS church I correct them.  When fallacies are spoken I speak up and defend the truth I know.

But here's the thing...

I make a mean jello with nuts, whipped cream and fruit.
When someone dies or gives birth I feel a need to make a casserole for the family.  Also, I absolutely LOVE casserole.
I have a strong desire to take care of those who need help.
I want to learn how to can fruit-it's a skill I'm guilty I don't have.
I love homemade bread and scones.

I know how to cook for a huge amount of people.
I can throw a pot luck together in ten seconds flat.
I love Primary Songs and sing them in my head subconsciously.
LDS Hymns are as familiar to me as the Happy Birthday Song.
My family is my first and most important stewardship.
I can craft with the best of them.

I came from a big family and I'm a mom to six kids.

I write in what my sisters call "Mormon writing".
I appreciate modesty.
I like a good org chart and love to lead.
I have always loved to speak publicly and teach.
I have a relationship with all of my first cousins and many of my mother's cousins children-I also know their kids' names.
I have wicked good family reunions!

You know...I have known a fair amount of Jewish people but many of them do not practice the Jewish religion in it's orthodoxy.  And that's socially acceptable.  We separate the culture and the religion on some level as a society.  When one says they are Mormon-it's not a question of culture or religion-it's all or nothing. You either are or you aren't and both those inside the church and outsiders react with the same assumption.  The LDS church is still in it's infancy in the grand scheme of religion, so it causes me to wonder if perhaps there will be a day that it's socially acceptable to claim my heritage, of which I am proud of, as Mormon, without the automatic assumption I subscribe to the LDS doctrine.  It is where I came from, where my mother and her mother and HER mother came from.  It played a large part in making me who I am today and I have fond feelings for much of it.  I am grateful for where I came from, for the lessons I learned, for the heritage I have and the people who feel the same.

But at this point, it's one and the same to most of the world.
I either am or I'm not.  At least to you.

To me?  I'm culturally Mormon.  I claim my heritage and love it.  I embrace it, I hand it down to my children and I long for the day when there's a place I fit in the rest of the world's eyes.

Untli then...I'm making casserole, baking bread, creating care packages and singing hymns in my head.  I'm not going back to the LDS church and I don't subscribe to the doctrine as a whole.  However...I believe in being honest, true to myself, benevolent and virtuous and in doing good to all men.  If there is anything lovely, virtuous, or of good report, I will always seek after these things.

Can't help it.
It's who I am.
It's in my blood.
And I like that.

-McGee

Pants to Church?

I grew up in the LDS church.

I was raised by a strong feminist.

I left the church years ago.

But I would still consider myself a Mormon Feminist.

I tend to stay away from issues surrounding the Mormon Church on my blog, Facebook or in family settings as I have many active members of the LDS church whom I love and respect and who love and respect me even though we don’t agree.  I didn’t leave in an angry storm or with resentments and anger.  I left because I felt what was taught and what I believed in my heart were no longer congruent.  It’s because of this that I don’t engage in bashing or disparaging the church.  Truth be told there are parts of the church I miss and parts of the culture I still carry with me and pass on to my children.

That said, today is a day I didn’t want to be quiet about.  Today, in an attempt to start a new conversation, many, many LDS women across the US wore pants to church.

I truly believe that the LDS church has two very distinct sets of rules, regulations, covenants and traditions.  One set is based on doctrine; what the elders of the church and the prophet have professed came from Heavenly Father and contains the die hard principles of the church.  The other set is based on culture.  Often what is actually a cultural understanding or tradition is espoused with the same conviction as doctrine and it creates judgment, pain and contention.

The movement today was not a protest about women not being allowed to wear pants to church.  Culturally, women wear dresses and men wear dress shirts and ties, often with a suit coat.  Doctrinally there is no edict to what we wear.  The powers that be in Salt Lake have suggested it’s appropriate to wear your “Sunday best” but don’t counsel what that is specifically.

At the suggestion of a popular blogger, a group of LDS women started a Facebook group and event and decided wearing respectable, dressy slacks to church today would be a powerful, while respectful, way to suggest it’s time to start the conversation about what it culture and what is doctrine and examine the parts that have left some women feeling less than within the church.  Men who supported the intention would wear purple in solidarity.  I thought it sounded like an interesting group and followed along in the conversation to show moral support.  And then it got ugly.

The Mormon church I was raised in taught love, tolerance and acceptance.  We understood we were to strive to be Christlike as the ultimate example of loving one another.  That’s why I was absolutely shocked by the reaction of many, many LDS people who disagreed with the movement to wear pants today in the least Christlike way imaginable.

I read death threats, I read one woman state in reference to women who wanted to wear pants “I will not be party to hammering a nail in Christ’s hand.”  I read active members comments that any feminist should stay away from “their” church, stay home or better yet leave the church for good as there was no place for feminists there.  I read one self professing “Active temple going member of the LDS Church” suggest one woman ought to just cut off her breasts and pretend to be a man at church.  I can’t help but question what fear is behind those reactions?  I’ve not seen anything like it.  The way I saw it was anyone in disagreement had an opportunity to practice what their religion really is and be loving, accepting and Christlike.

I know, I know.  People aren’t perfect, the church is perfect.  I am no longer willing to accept that.  God is perfect, that I believe.  “The Church” will never be perfect except for that it’s been an ever growing and re-evaluating organization standing for Jesus Christ.  When societal norms and laws forbid past behaviors or who was to hold the priesthood, etc. “The Church” relented and changed course.  Some would say that was due to direct revelation from God to a Prophet.  Others argue it to be a man made law.  Regardless, the church I grew up in has evolved in some ways and I have hope it will evolve again.

If I had been an active member, today I would have worn pants.  Not because I think women should wear pants everyday, in fact, I quite like a good dress and heels.  But because if there are women who feel unequal in church matters, uncomfortable because they claim the label of feminist, who are taught they are less than and even worse, believe it, then I will proudly and steadfastly stand with them and for them until that inequity is no longer so painful or so pointed. 

I believe the church I grew up in is making strides in the right direction.  I am proud of my heritage and carry much of it with me.  I also believe the majority of LDS people I know personally would never behave any other way than to be loving and accepting of Mormon Feminists.

However.

The responses online that came from LDS members spewing hate and calling women to repentance and obedience just solidified for me how necessary this conversation is.

I hope one day to say I saw the beginning of a mighty change. 

-McGee, A Mormon Feminist