control. or lack thereof.

Recipe for disaster:

1 control freak.
1 best friend in medical crisis.
1 fiance in custody fight court chaos.
Just a pinch of a good meeting in a work day.

Mix together all in one 12 hour space of time.
Stand back and watch the chemical reaction.

The universe did not pull through for me today.
Or maybe it did.
Maybe there’s a lesson here that I haven’t put together yet.
I’m sure there is.

I woke up excited for the prospects of the day. My dearest friend (who lives far away) was in labor about to have her first baby. Mr. Man was about to finish the long haul of his custody fight in court. I had a planned a busy work day to keep my mind off both and get some of my work mojo back!

Short version:
Labor was particularly difficult, scary and laborious.
Court was short and unproductive.
Work was a joke.

And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about any of them.

So I tried to reboot.
I tried to look for good news.
I took a deep breath. Or ten.
I dropped some tears.

And then I remembered that sometimes I have to just do what I can do and then trust that God, the universe, or my higher power-whatever that may be-will take care of what needs to happen and provide a way for me to deal with whatever comes next.

And in the end mom and baby are alive and well.
Legalities are technicalities that will be worked out soon.
Work starts fresh for a new month starting now.

I know hate is a strong word and I shouldn’t use it all the time. But
I hate that feeling of helpless when a loved one is compromised.
I hate feeling out of control.

However…

I love the feeling of good friends circling around.
I love coming home to what’s inside our four walls.
I love that today is just a day.

And I love that I know if I do what I can and trust the universe to take care of the rest, it usually does and life is what it’s supposed to be.

Sadly…I think the universe was just reminding me that I have to keep letting go. I can’t do everything. I’m not supposed to!

The only thing I can control is my reaction to the world around me.

So I ate some strawberry shortcake on purpose.

I choose to snuggle up with my man and watch Survivor.
(GO RUSSELL!)

And I’m choosing to go to bed and wake up ready to go again!

-McGee