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Friday, November 19, 2010

it is what it is. isn't it?

I have a problem.
A junk drawer kind of thing.
I don’t like to yield.
And I’m not very accepting of scenarios I don’t like.

I don’t like accepting things for what they are when they are painful or unacceptable to me. After my last post, a reader left awesome thoughts in a comment and quoted from 12 step literature the following:

“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation, some fact of my life, unacceptable to me and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.”

So. I’m going to stay disturbed for as long as I am unwilling to accept that things in front of me as they are. I’ve always struggled with the notion of acceptance as though by accepting something unacceptable I was giving it my blessing. As though my un-acceptance of you and your craziness will literally make you change your ways. (I’m powerful like that.) I’m realizing that acceptance is not the same as approval or agreement. I can accept what is without endorsing it or embracing it. Acceptance is a sanity mechanism.

The more I fight against the unacceptable, the less sane I am.
Who stares at the grass and says it should be red
just because they don’t like green?
(Apparently me.)
Accept that grass is green and deal with the fact you don’t like it.

As I have been sitting with this realization, I recalled something I heard at the Moxy Project early this year-a Taoist saying that I continue to uncover meanings to…

When two great forces collide,
the victory goes to the one that knows how to yield.

At first, I really thought that there was wisdom in the concept that if you can put your ego aside and be the one to yield by going along with the other person, you win. Sally and John don’t agree. Sally doesn’t want to argue so she goes along with that John wants to keep the peace. Voila. She who yields wins in the grand scheme of life.

But now I’m coming from a place of accepting reality even if it’s ugly and I’m realizing there is likely a more impactful meaning to the saying. Perhaps to yield is to step aside and let others continue on as you do the same in your life. Is it possible that the meaning of this is to say “Go ahead with your crazy. I’m not going to stop you. But I also won’t participate. Be on your way and go on with your bad self!”

Refusing to yield for me has been the same as railing against acceptance. The truth always happens. Life is what it is regardless of what I think it should be. I create a whole lot of work for myself and invest a ton of emotional energy on this.

I’m having a big ah-ha here.

Now here’s my problem though…
When you know better, you do better.

So now that I know…
I guess I have some work to do.



MicheLe said...

The truth always happens. Awesome sauce. Can't wait to spend more time with you, McGee.

McGee said...

michele! I'm pretty sure I heard that from you-and if not from you from someone in the Moxy workshop-I found that little gem in my notes...what a fruitful weekend!