fortune cookie.

Went to lunch with the boss at PF Changs.
(Hey.  I'm in the auto industry.  There HAS to be an occassional perk.)

Fortune cookie says:
"Success will come through in your plan."

Oh Crap.

I need a plan.

I know, I know..."to hell with the plan" is what I said last week.
But let's face it, I have a vajay-jay, I change my mind often.

The thing is, I'm frustrated beyond belief at working a jobby job that is wholly unfullfilling while watching people I adore work in jobs that are part of their passion and are completely awesome and amazing.  I know I need to remember to be grateful for a job at this point in the economy but then I feel like my Grandmother for saying so. 

But what now?  How do I really make a worthwhile change?
Or should I adjust my expectations and deal with it?

Mostly, I'm sharing this to scream from the rooftops that I don't have it all figured out.  I don't know everything.  Sure.  I can solve YOUR problems but mine take a little more finesse-mostly because I tend to get in my own way! 

I really want to write a book.  (Ok.  Two actually.)
I would love to go back to speaking.
And really-why didn't I become a teacher?

There.
I said it outloud.

Now you know.
And I think I need to make a plan.

Fortune cookie says so.

-McGee

plans.

Sounds good, doesn't it?

Make a plan.

At least a one year plan.

I do lists.

And plans.

I use the word calendar as a verb.

But generally speaking,

When I make a plan...

The Universe giggles.

Not in an all out laugh, mind you.

More like in a...

"You are so cute that you thought that was how this was going down-thanks for playing, try again soon."

kinda way.

The cool thing I'm learning though is that the larger lesson is to roll with it, adjust "the plan" and be willing to let go.  I read today that setbacks are merely lessons and if you're willing to learn, you never fail.

Willing to learn.

I like that.

To hell with the plan!

-McGee

the play book.

Put me in coach.

I’m ready to play!
Just tell me what to do!

Oh wait.
You thought I was talking about basketball?
Maybe softball?

Nah.
This is my current conversation with the big man.
The one upstairs.

You see…I’m a list maker. I write things I’ve already done, on to do lists, just so I can start the list off with things I can already cross off! I’m a planner. Let’s make a plan and carry it through. There is safety and security in that. I can fly by the seat of my pants and live moment to moment (Pretty Woman, anyone?) but I do it best when I know what the grand plan is!

So when I make a plan…
And God laughs…
I start to worry.

Where is the book?
The play book.

The one that tells me what to do next and how to proceed.
The book that calls all the shots so I don’t have to.
The one that takes the calculated risk, knowing all that can happen and has a back up plan ready to go in case Play #1 doesn’t work out.

I believe in a higher power.
Other than Oprah.
Although I think she’s grand.

I believe that there is a plan for us but I also believe we have free agency-best gift ever-it means that God may know what’s best for us and sees our potential, however, we get to choose what to do in any given situation. Here’s the thing…I love that. I do! But I hate that other people get free agency! And I know that hate is a strong word and you shouldn’t use it all the time but I hate it. Why can’t everyone just do according to McGee’s plan?

(Insert insane laughter at my own expense here. No really. It’s ok. Laugh your ass off at me. I have learned to laugh at me and you can too!)

I was talking to a dear friend who’s in a situation that I’ve been in before. (Which, by the way, makes me feel very useful and that my pain is not for nothing-to be able to give guidance and love to another human being based on your own experience, strength and hope is divine.) And I realized that no matter how many times we’ve been in someone else’s shoes, we still can’t tell them what’s right or wrong or assume we know what’s right for them.

We can listen.
And love.
Offer an ear…
And a hug.

But at the end of the day we each make our own decisions based on what our own hearts and lives can handle. And that’s different for each of us. (Thank you Amy Ellen for those words of wisdom!) And that’s ok. It’s part of the plan.

And then I wonder if that play book did exist…

Wouldn’t that take away the point of this life?
Wouldn’t that take away our risk?
Would life be as painful?
But would it also be as rewarding?

And as pleasant as that sounds at the time…to have no true risk...
I believe Garth Brooks when he said…or sang…

"Life is not tried, it is merely survived
If you’re standing outside the fire."

So back into the fire I go.
Without a play book.
But with lots of heart and a little bit of faith.

(And can I just use the “H” word again and point out that I kinda hate it when I start a blog in the place of “why can’t it be easier” and then end it from a place of “duh, silly, it’s not easy and it’s supposed to be that way?” Thanks.)

-McGee

bye bye resolutions!

Define insanity...
Doing the same thing over and over again
Expecting different results.

In other words…new years resolutions!

We all do it. It’s almost impossible to avoid it. I even look forward to it!  Every year around December 26th I start thinking about what I did this past year and what I hope to do in the coming year. I get a renewed excitement about goals, plans and dreams for what’s next. It’s almost like a biological alarm goes off triggering high hopes and aspirations as though January first cleans the slate and opens the doors to a brighter future.

I’ve been mulling over what I wanted to do in 2010 with lots flying around my mind and nothing coherent coming out clearly and then I read my friend Sarah Jaggard's blog about new years resolutions. She points out that the resolutions of the past set up a list of things she didn’t do, trips she didn’t take, changes she didn’t make. Then Sarah said something that completely changed the way I looked at my new year habit-she posted...

“So this year I’m doing something a little different because I actually hope to achieve my goals for the year. It’s less about what I want to accomplish and more about who I want to be.”

Hmmmm.

No big list of specifics?
No number assigned to the amount of pounds I wanted to lose?
More focus on life itself and the direction I’m going in?

I am so in.

So this year…who do I want to be and how do I want to live?

I will be more open this year.
Open to new opportunities.
Open to try new things.
Open to other’s way of doing things and their opinions and feelings.

I will live my life more creatively.
I will pick up my camera.
I will keep writing this blog.
And keep seeing new things in a new light.

Am I still going to join a gym, lose weight, stop picking at my nails, journal more and work more efficiently? Sure. But my focus and priority will not be a check list.

Openly.
Creatively.

I think 2010 is time for a new way to think of the new year.
Let’s do this!

McGee