on purpose.

(Little Man, age 5, whacks Little Miss, age 11, upside the head while she’s not looking. Little Miss screams.)

McGee: HEY! What are you DOING?
Little Miss: He HIT me. I wasn’t doing ANYTHING!
Little Man: It was an accident. I didn’t do it on purpose!

Famous last words. I love my 5 year old boy dearly but if he tells me one more time that he didn’t do something “on purpose"...just one more time…I might have to pop his behind.

On purpose.

I knew this guy once.
A great family friend, Dirk.
He knew me at a particularly messy time in my life.
(Which, just by the way, Dirk, if you’re reading this…life’s good!)

Among other ways he influenced my life he was my baby sisters’ Sunday School teacher and that year he focused on living life “on purpose.” That was his motto. He was actively trying to live his life on purpose, not letting things just happen but really focusing on the choices he was making and taking things as they came head on. I remember thinking that was cool and then kind of tucking it in the back of my head.

And then life happened.
As it usually does.
Ups, Downs, Loopty Loops.

And then one day, in the far too recent past, I flipped out.
I won’t sugar coat it.
But I have an ego too so I won’t elaborate either!
I was upset, hurt, sad, and angry.
And I lost it.

Have you ever had that moment?

The one where you feel like you’re on a speeding train-
And you need to get off?
You need to stop immediately-
But you keep going?
You can’t shut up.
You can’t stop.

Don’t lie. I know I’m not alone in this!

So I had the moment, or rather the many unpretty, unpleasant moments strung together over the course of 24 hours. And I felt like a victim-even though I knew I was out of line and out of control. And totally random-I saw Dirk’s name somewhere (ok-I saw it on Facebook-I can’t help myself) and I had an Ah-ha moment. I was living my life like Little Man. I was hitting my loved one upside the head and then sitting in my pity party telling myself that I didn’t do it on purpose. And poor, poor me.

I should have just popped myself one on the backside!

In all seriousness I realized I was letting life happen and letting myself just go all over the place rather than conduct my life and my reactions “on purpose.” Something needs to change. It’s not like my life needs reinventing-quite the opposite-I have many of the components I’ve always wanted in life! I just need to be a bit more of an active participant and navigator!

So this is what I’m doing on purpose…

I’ve decided I deserve to pay more attention to my body and well being-no more cheating myself by cutting corners-time to be on purpose with my health.

I’m also going WAY out of my comfort zone this weekend and participating in a rather small, intimate mini-conference about getting what I want out of life with a new friend and many to be made when I get there. On purpose.

What would you do if you decided to live more “on purpose?”
What does that look like for you?

I’m hoping it feels like freedom to me.
Thanks Dirk-I think it finally sunk in!

-McGee