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Monday, March 22, 2010

insides to outsides

I do this thing.
And I did it again Friday night.
I put on the inside outside glasses.

I’ve done it repeatedly over the years.
I’m not sure where I got my pair.
Although I'm sure they're designer.
I am often without them.
But when I put them on…yikes.

I had the most amazing weekend-I participated in a workshop with ten other women and a really sharp life coach, Michele*. The first person I met was a beautiful tall blonde with a killer smile. I immediately thought…sigh…I wish I had jeans that looked like that on me. Or rather I wish I had the body to fill those jeans that way!

(Gimme a break. I’m a girl. It’s what we do.)

And as I met the other women I had similar first impressions…

That girl really has it together.
I’m in a rut lately.
She seems like she’s really incredible.
I wonder what she thinks of me.
I wish I could be like her.
I’m not living up to my dreams.
She’s amazing.

It’s not really a jealousy thing.
It’s just those dang inside outside glasses.

See-here’s the thing-I’m really good at comparing my INSIDES with your OUTSIDES.

What I found in this room by the end of the workshop was that yes, their outsides were great, so were their insides, but they had the same kind of things going on in their insides as I did! They weren’t perfectly together or amazingly perfected. (Sorry girls if any of you are reading this and I just burst your bubble. I think we’re all humble enough for that one!) They were a dozen women with unique beautiful souls who were all on a path in life navigating twists and turns just like I was.

I was on the other end of this recently too! I had a newer friend-one who didn’t know me so well yet, tell me she was surprised to hear I was going through a rough patch-she assumed I always had perfect 10 kind of days.

Which is hilarious.
My life is good but it is in no way a perfect 10!
My life is as messy as a preschooler eating spaghetti
who then wipes her mouth on the shoulder of her shirt.

But back to my glasses…

I think when life gets hairy I get a little nervous about myself.  I get a bout of insecurity and I put these glasses on and tend to hold on to the desire to be like what I perceive “that girl” is rather than recognize myself and value my own experiences while giving “that girl” the grace she deserves for her imperfections too!

I realized…
when I compare my insides to others’ outsides,
I will always come up short.

So I’m taking the glasses off.
And I’m putting them away.

And until someone figures out emotional x-ray glasses I’ll just stop comparing and start appreciating the people I encounter for who they are.

Including me.

*oh-and this Michele chick. She is amazing! Her workshop was fantastic and insightful and you can find more about her at http://www.themoxyproject.com/. Great blog there too!


1 comment:

Jen Hadley said...

Beautiful, Mandy. Just like you.