Dude.

Mean people suck.

Isn't there a bumper sticker to that effect?

Because I could totally use that about now.

It's surprising, really.  In my 17 years of being a mom, I've not really had to cross this bridge yet.  Not like this.  What do I tell my kid when a complete moron, a teammate, treats her horribly and calls her names in front of her team?  The team my kids a captain of, a significant player, a veteran. 

When my kid asks if it would have been ok to punch the other kid, do I tell her if I was there I would have beat her to it?  Do I tell her to turn the other cheek?  That the other kid has a horrible life and has no one to teach her differently?  Will that make either of us feel less hurt?  More valiant for walking away?

What about when the other kids parent is sitting there ok with the insults?  Agreeing with his own kid.  Egging her on.  Do I just tell her it doesn't matter?  That they are just broken people?

Mean people suck.

So I tell her no.
It's not ok to hit the girl.
It's ok to be hurt, to be mad, to feel embarrassed and infuriated.

It's ok to shut the other kid down with words but just enough to be able to walk away clean.

I tell her to be grateful.
To see the holes in that kids life.
And realize you don't have those holes.
To choose to let it go.

Don't excuse the behavior but don't attend the fight just because you're invited to do so.

And then I tell her I know.
I know mean people.
They don't always grow up.

Sometimes they exist well beyond high school.

And it hurts.
But we move on.
And we live our lives because it doesn't matter.
They do not matter.

Ugly people who can't move on or choose not to are just that.
Ugly people.

And then I tell her not to be one.
To remember this feeling.
And to never.
Ever.
Pass it on to someone else.

And while she sleeps, moving on and dreaming of the next day...
I drop a few tears and write a blog.

Because what else does a mom do?

Ugh.

-McGee

Gratitude Day

Occasionally.

A gratitude day is in order.

Not always for any particular reason, sometimes it's just a reminder.

So today I'm grateful for...

• Eleven little girls who trust me when I tell them where to go on a softball field, when to swing and how to have the most fun in the dirt.  As well as their eleven sets of parents who trust these girls to me twice a week!
• Laughter at the dinner table.  Serious laughter.  The ugly kind, when our nearly 17 and nearly 15 year old daughters are laughing with me (*not AT me) so hard that the three of us are in various states of crazy goofy faces while trying not to spit water out of our noses.
• Mr. Man who still makes me laugh.  Intentionally or not.  Nearly every day.
• Good books.  If you know a girl, work with a girl, are a girl or have a girl...read "Lean In" by Sheryl Sanderg.  Now.  Like for real.
• My extended family.  I can't pick you, you didn't pick me, but we're in it for the long haul and for that, I am eternally grateful!
• My immediate family of six amazing kiddos and my dear, sweet, hillarious hubby.  They are the reason I wake up (mind you-SUPER early for this non-morning person) and the people that keep me moving all day long.  I am one lucky mommy.
• Friends that will let me whine, call me out and put up with my nonsense.
• A great house.
• A dog who loves me, even when I'm not as sure that I love her.
• Enough money to pay the bills, enough love to keep going and enough faith that life will always work itself out, jerks will always have to live with themselves, and that I can be as happy as I choose to be.

Tonight, life is good.

If you're not feeling the same, make a list, a gratitude list.  

It will turn that frown upside down.

Promise.

-McGee

living the dream.

Welcome to Hollywood.

What's your dream?

Everybody's got a dream.

What's YOUR dream?

A question I've often thought of, tried to work through, and still occasionally haunts me.  Big Man has a dream and he's working towards it.  He's a writer/director on track to film his second full length feature film later this year.  My mom had a dream.  She created a company, took it public and shines still in the business world.  I struggle sometimes without a clearly defined dream or dream job.  I want to write a book.  I want people to read what I write and know who I am.  I would love to be a public speaker.  I want to live in a beautiful home, drive a nice car and live the dream.  But I don't have one solo mission that burns into everything I do.

And then I remembered last night.

I did have a dream.

And I'm already living it.

The truth is, the one thing I ALWAYS wanted, more than anything, more than a career, more than success and money...was to be a mom and a really good one.  I wanted a family and a really big one.  And sometimes I guess I just forget that the mom dream is just as noteworthy as commercial, worldly success or perhaps even more so.  There's surely a time and place for everything.  And being a mom has not gotten in the way of the things I have wanted to do or develop although it may have delayed a few goals.  But when I look around at our babies and the family we have built that continues to grow and flourish I realize I AM living MY dream.  I have given birth to four amazing babies and have been blessed to be the bonus mom to two other incredible children.  And while it's often hard work, I'm a pretty good mom, most days and surely I have created the big family I wanted!

My dream?

I'm living the big one. 

And man, life is good!

-McGee

bouncing back.

It's funny.

The things you learn while trying to impart wisdom on a child.

Sometimes, if you're paying attention,
it's you that needed to hear what you said.

It's softball season and this year that means I have THREE girls getting dirty on the field every week.  It means farmer tans, bruised legs from sliding and lots of fun.  It also means our competitive side is out in full force.  And that?

That's all from me.

My mini-me is solid at first base on her high school team and a captain this year.  She excels at everything she does, it's kind of amazing.  But here's the thing...when she strikes out or her solid hit deep into center field is caught...it stays with her.  (and that's also all from me)  You can see it on her face as she heads back in to the dug out, it's crystal clear as she's working her way through the next inning.  If it's bad, you can still see it when she's home, showered and getting through her homework.

I've played and coached long enough to know that you really can't tell a hard core player that it's just a game, get over it, it was a solid hit met by a great defensive play.  So I went a different route.  She needs to work on her bounce back.  To be the best player she can be, she needs to bounce back quicker.

I'm starting to see a direct correlation from one's level of happiness to their ability to bounce back.  Strike outs happen.  Life kicks you in the shins.  People disappoint and hurt you.  How quickly you're willing to let it go, put it away and move forward, how quickly you can bounce back, determines how happy you really are.

As I look at my own hang ups, the situations in life that have been tough to bounce back from or at people around me who hold on to a grudge or insist on staying hurt...it's amazing, really.  The things we hold on to can really keep us down.

Perhaps it's time we all work on our bounce back.

It's funny, isn't it?

The things we learn while trying to impart wisdom on our children.

-McGee

Words to live by.

w

Pants to Church?

I grew up in the LDS church.

I was raised by a strong feminist.

I left the church years ago.

But I would still consider myself a Mormon Feminist.

I tend to stay away from issues surrounding the Mormon Church on my blog, Facebook or in family settings as I have many active members of the LDS church whom I love and respect and who love and respect me even though we don’t agree.  I didn’t leave in an angry storm or with resentments and anger.  I left because I felt what was taught and what I believed in my heart were no longer congruent.  It’s because of this that I don’t engage in bashing or disparaging the church.  Truth be told there are parts of the church I miss and parts of the culture I still carry with me and pass on to my children.

That said, today is a day I didn’t want to be quiet about.  Today, in an attempt to start a new conversation, many, many LDS women across the US wore pants to church.

I truly believe that the LDS church has two very distinct sets of rules, regulations, covenants and traditions.  One set is based on doctrine; what the elders of the church and the prophet have professed came from Heavenly Father and contains the die hard principles of the church.  The other set is based on culture.  Often what is actually a cultural understanding or tradition is espoused with the same conviction as doctrine and it creates judgment, pain and contention.

The movement today was not a protest about women not being allowed to wear pants to church.  Culturally, women wear dresses and men wear dress shirts and ties, often with a suit coat.  Doctrinally there is no edict to what we wear.  The powers that be in Salt Lake have suggested it’s appropriate to wear your “Sunday best” but don’t counsel what that is specifically.

At the suggestion of a popular blogger, a group of LDS women started a Facebook group and event and decided wearing respectable, dressy slacks to church today would be a powerful, while respectful, way to suggest it’s time to start the conversation about what it culture and what is doctrine and examine the parts that have left some women feeling less than within the church.  Men who supported the intention would wear purple in solidarity.  I thought it sounded like an interesting group and followed along in the conversation to show moral support.  And then it got ugly.

The Mormon church I was raised in taught love, tolerance and acceptance.  We understood we were to strive to be Christlike as the ultimate example of loving one another.  That’s why I was absolutely shocked by the reaction of many, many LDS people who disagreed with the movement to wear pants today in the least Christlike way imaginable.

I read death threats, I read one woman state in reference to women who wanted to wear pants “I will not be party to hammering a nail in Christ’s hand.”  I read active members comments that any feminist should stay away from “their” church, stay home or better yet leave the church for good as there was no place for feminists there.  I read one self professing “Active temple going member of the LDS Church” suggest one woman ought to just cut off her breasts and pretend to be a man at church.  I can’t help but question what fear is behind those reactions?  I’ve not seen anything like it.  The way I saw it was anyone in disagreement had an opportunity to practice what their religion really is and be loving, accepting and Christlike.

I know, I know.  People aren’t perfect, the church is perfect.  I am no longer willing to accept that.  God is perfect, that I believe.  “The Church” will never be perfect except for that it’s been an ever growing and re-evaluating organization standing for Jesus Christ.  When societal norms and laws forbid past behaviors or who was to hold the priesthood, etc. “The Church” relented and changed course.  Some would say that was due to direct revelation from God to a Prophet.  Others argue it to be a man made law.  Regardless, the church I grew up in has evolved in some ways and I have hope it will evolve again.

If I had been an active member, today I would have worn pants.  Not because I think women should wear pants everyday, in fact, I quite like a good dress and heels.  But because if there are women who feel unequal in church matters, uncomfortable because they claim the label of feminist, who are taught they are less than and even worse, believe it, then I will proudly and steadfastly stand with them and for them until that inequity is no longer so painful or so pointed. 

I believe the church I grew up in is making strides in the right direction.  I am proud of my heritage and carry much of it with me.  I also believe the majority of LDS people I know personally would never behave any other way than to be loving and accepting of Mormon Feminists.

However.

The responses online that came from LDS members spewing hate and calling women to repentance and obedience just solidified for me how necessary this conversation is.

I hope one day to say I saw the beginning of a mighty change. 

-McGee, A Mormon Feminist

hardest work.

It's after 11:00 on a Thursday night.
I've worked half a day,
Took care of a feverish baby,
Cheered on two of our girls on the basketball court,
Helped Little Man with his math,
Placed Oodle, our Elf on a Shelf, in a new spot
And was hanging up laundry thinking about being a mom.

Turns out two Varsity athletes in the same sport makes for a lot of jerseys hanging to dry in your hallway late at night during a tournament week.

It's a lot of work being a mom.

And being a good one is hard.

The physical work is plentiful,

But the emotional work is intense.

I really didn't know what I was getting into.

I'm not sure anyone could have prepared me.

I had no idea how much my mom, yes, even my full time working outside of the house mom, did for us to make sure we had what we needed and often what we wanted.  I had no idea my heart would walk around outside my body on a daily basis.  I didn't know how tiring it would be nor did I really comprehend how amazing it would feel to be someones mommy, let alone have six call me mom.  I didn't understand how special it would feel to have a newborn look at me the way Bean does or to be the mom cheering on the sidelines at their sporting events.

It really is the hardest non-paying, often overlooked and under-appreciated work I've ever done but it is by far the one that yields the biggest payoff.  I am one blessed mommy.

-McGee