Pants to Church?

I grew up in the LDS church.

I was raised by a strong feminist.

I left the church years ago.

But I would still consider myself a Mormon Feminist.

I tend to stay away from issues surrounding the Mormon Church on my blog, Facebook or in family settings as I have many active members of the LDS church whom I love and respect and who love and respect me even though we don’t agree.  I didn’t leave in an angry storm or with resentments and anger.  I left because I felt what was taught and what I believed in my heart were no longer congruent.  It’s because of this that I don’t engage in bashing or disparaging the church.  Truth be told there are parts of the church I miss and parts of the culture I still carry with me and pass on to my children.

That said, today is a day I didn’t want to be quiet about.  Today, in an attempt to start a new conversation, many, many LDS women across the US wore pants to church.

I truly believe that the LDS church has two very distinct sets of rules, regulations, covenants and traditions.  One set is based on doctrine; what the elders of the church and the prophet have professed came from Heavenly Father and contains the die hard principles of the church.  The other set is based on culture.  Often what is actually a cultural understanding or tradition is espoused with the same conviction as doctrine and it creates judgment, pain and contention.

The movement today was not a protest about women not being allowed to wear pants to church.  Culturally, women wear dresses and men wear dress shirts and ties, often with a suit coat.  Doctrinally there is no edict to what we wear.  The powers that be in Salt Lake have suggested it’s appropriate to wear your “Sunday best” but don’t counsel what that is specifically.

At the suggestion of a popular blogger, a group of LDS women started a Facebook group and event and decided wearing respectable, dressy slacks to church today would be a powerful, while respectful, way to suggest it’s time to start the conversation about what it culture and what is doctrine and examine the parts that have left some women feeling less than within the church.  Men who supported the intention would wear purple in solidarity.  I thought it sounded like an interesting group and followed along in the conversation to show moral support.  And then it got ugly.

The Mormon church I was raised in taught love, tolerance and acceptance.  We understood we were to strive to be Christlike as the ultimate example of loving one another.  That’s why I was absolutely shocked by the reaction of many, many LDS people who disagreed with the movement to wear pants today in the least Christlike way imaginable.

I read death threats, I read one woman state in reference to women who wanted to wear pants “I will not be party to hammering a nail in Christ’s hand.”  I read active members comments that any feminist should stay away from “their” church, stay home or better yet leave the church for good as there was no place for feminists there.  I read one self professing “Active temple going member of the LDS Church” suggest one woman ought to just cut off her breasts and pretend to be a man at church.  I can’t help but question what fear is behind those reactions?  I’ve not seen anything like it.  The way I saw it was anyone in disagreement had an opportunity to practice what their religion really is and be loving, accepting and Christlike.

I know, I know.  People aren’t perfect, the church is perfect.  I am no longer willing to accept that.  God is perfect, that I believe.  “The Church” will never be perfect except for that it’s been an ever growing and re-evaluating organization standing for Jesus Christ.  When societal norms and laws forbid past behaviors or who was to hold the priesthood, etc. “The Church” relented and changed course.  Some would say that was due to direct revelation from God to a Prophet.  Others argue it to be a man made law.  Regardless, the church I grew up in has evolved in some ways and I have hope it will evolve again.

If I had been an active member, today I would have worn pants.  Not because I think women should wear pants everyday, in fact, I quite like a good dress and heels.  But because if there are women who feel unequal in church matters, uncomfortable because they claim the label of feminist, who are taught they are less than and even worse, believe it, then I will proudly and steadfastly stand with them and for them until that inequity is no longer so painful or so pointed. 

I believe the church I grew up in is making strides in the right direction.  I am proud of my heritage and carry much of it with me.  I also believe the majority of LDS people I know personally would never behave any other way than to be loving and accepting of Mormon Feminists.

However.

The responses online that came from LDS members spewing hate and calling women to repentance and obedience just solidified for me how necessary this conversation is.

I hope one day to say I saw the beginning of a mighty change. 

-McGee, A Mormon Feminist

hardest work.

It's after 11:00 on a Thursday night.
I've worked half a day,
Took care of a feverish baby,
Cheered on two of our girls on the basketball court,
Helped Little Man with his math,
Placed Oodle, our Elf on a Shelf, in a new spot
And was hanging up laundry thinking about being a mom.

Turns out two Varsity athletes in the same sport makes for a lot of jerseys hanging to dry in your hallway late at night during a tournament week.

It's a lot of work being a mom.

And being a good one is hard.

The physical work is plentiful,

But the emotional work is intense.

I really didn't know what I was getting into.

I'm not sure anyone could have prepared me.

I had no idea how much my mom, yes, even my full time working outside of the house mom, did for us to make sure we had what we needed and often what we wanted.  I had no idea my heart would walk around outside my body on a daily basis.  I didn't know how tiring it would be nor did I really comprehend how amazing it would feel to be someones mommy, let alone have six call me mom.  I didn't understand how special it would feel to have a newborn look at me the way Bean does or to be the mom cheering on the sidelines at their sporting events.

It really is the hardest non-paying, often overlooked and under-appreciated work I've ever done but it is by far the one that yields the biggest payoff.  I am one blessed mommy.

-McGee